Alias Award Show
by Cat Spring
Summary: Read this if you want to laugh your :o off. Kidding. Just read it D


Here's my story. Please enjoy and tell me what you think. 

Title: Alias Award Show

Disclaimer: All the Alias characters belong to blah, blah, blah. You know the drill.

Song: Extraordinary by Liz Phair

Chapter 1: Pre Show Interviews

Oh! A/N- I wrote this after Season 3 so it's a bit out dated O.o

**You think that I go home at night  
Take off my clothes, turn out the lights  
But I burn letters that I write  
To you, to make you love me**

Yeah, I drive naked through the park  
And run the stop sign in the dark  
Stand in the street, yell out my heart  
To make, to make you love me

I am extraordinary  
If you'd ever get to know me  
I am extraordinary  
I am just your ordinary  
Average every day sane psycho  
Supergoddess  
Average every day sane psycho

You may not believe in me  
But I believe in you  
So I still take the trash out  
Does that make me too normal for you

So dig a little deeper cause  
You still don't get it yet  
See me lickin' my lips, need a primitive fix  
And I'll make, I'll make you love me

I am extraordinary  
If you'd ever get to know me  
I am extraordinary  
I am just your ordinary  
Average every day sane psycho  
Supergoddess  
Average every day sane psycho  
Supergoddess

See me jump through hoops for you  
You stand there watching me performing  
What exactly do you do  
Have you ever thought it's you that's boring  
Who the hell are you

I am extraordinary  
If you'd ever get to know me  
I am extraordinary  
I am just your ordinary  
Average every day sane psycho  
Supergoddess  
Average every day sane psycho

Average every day sane psycho  
Supergoddess  
Average every day sane psycho

Average every day sane psycho  
Supergoddess  
Average every day sane psycho

Average every day sane psycho

Host: Hi! I'm Caitlin Dayspring. Your host for the Alias Awards! All of your favorite Alias stars are here. Even the least liked character, cough, cow, cough, Lauren. Well, we've added a little twist to this award show. All of the stars have to pretend that they're their characters on the show! So, Jennifer will have to be Sydney, Michael will have to be Vaughn, etc. Let's go talk to one of Alias's number one fans!

Number One Fan: Like, oh, my, god! This is like so exciting! Wee!

Host: It seems that you're happy. Who is your favorite person on the show?

Number One Fan: Duh! Sydney all the way, baby! You know what I think….

Host: Hun, no one cares. No one cares about the little people. Hurry up so I can get to everyone else. Ok. That's better. Who is your least favorite person?

Number One Fan: Lauren! All the way! That cow needs to die! No! Sydney needs to kill that b right here and now!

Sydney: Who should I kill?

Host: Calm down. None of your excessive cussing will actually be heard.

Number One Fan: I know! Because of all the junk on the OTHER award shows and that whole Janet boob thingy! I saw that! I was at the Super Bowl!

Host: I saw it too. Not a pretty sight. Especially that little ornament on her boob. Well, thanks for talking.

Number One Fan: Bye!

Host: Whatever

Host: Before I go over to Sydney I have to say something. MTV, if you see me and like my stuff. Call me. I'm available any time. Onto Sydney!

Sydney: Hey!

Host: Hi! So are you playing Sydney well?

Sydney: I think I am. But I don't have that serious act down.

Host: First question. What are you wearing?

Sydney: What kind of question is that? I'm not going to tell you! All 'yall can see. Everyone at home that's watching can see and you can see. God. You make me so mad. How pathetic.

Host: Eh, I meant, who made your dress?

Sydney: Oh! My mom!

Host: Um, well, I heard that in real life Melissa George and you are good friends. And don't worry, I'm allowed to ask non-character questions.

Sydney: Where the hell did you hear that?

Host: Star, People, and all the Teen Magazines.

Sydney: Someone lied! I can't believe that. Hell no! I hate Melissa. I mean first she steals Vaughn on the show and she's even trying to steal Michael Vartan! My real life boyfriend! She's a jerk.

Host: Well, heh heh, some of the mags have some explaining to do. Last question. How far will you go to get Vaughn back, Sydney?

Sydney: I don't know. Not really interested in him anymore. That Sark is HOT. If I were one of the writers I would Sark and Sydney have some Sarkny action. If ya know what I mean.

Host: It's certainly a good thing you're not one of the writers. Bye!

Sydney: Salutations!

Host: Never mind.

Host: Let's go talk to Weiss. Come on.  
Weiss: Yo, yo, yo. Whuz up my homie?

Host: Hello. Whats with the street talk, Weiss?

Weiss: Call me Yo Yo Masta.

Host: Ok, Yo Yo Masta. Do you feel that Alias has fallen a bit in quality?

Weiss: Well, ya'll know that Alias ain't as digging as before year. But, whateva, yall' can't please all the dawgs out in the streets.

Host: Ok, this is weird. I need a Street Talk Translator over here now! I feel like I'm on American Idol listening to what Randy has to say about my singing.

Translator: He said, 'Well, everyone knows that Alias isn't as good as last year. But, anyway, everyone knows that you can't please all the people out there.

Host: Next question, do you think Weiss should have a girlfriend?

Weiss: Well, havin' a gf would be pretty' flyin'. He should get ta' smooch all over some girly wether they be stripes or just plain plaid.

Translator: He said….

Host: I know what he said! I just bought this Street Talk Book from some homeless guy over there.

Weiss: Hold it a minute. That ain't a poor peep over dar'. That be Jack Bristow. Why ya' be trippin'?

Host: Oh, whoops. Don't mention that to him. Bye!

Weiss: Bye mon! I going now.

Host: What the hell? Now you're Jamaican?

Host: Hopefully my interview with Lauren won't be as bad.

Lauren: Ello', Caitlin.

Host: Look I'm sorry about earlier. Wait…, heh, no I'm not.

Lauren: That's mean!

Host: I know. First question, do you think that Sark and you should have a deeper relationship?

Lauren: Oh, god, I always get embarrassed when I talk about this. I love Sark. And I know that he'll never betray me like that ass Vaughn did. He loves me. And our love is as blue as the deep, blue sea.

Host: Cough, bimbo, cough.

Lauren: Are you ok?

Host: Yes.

Sark: Sorry, love, but I'm going to have to dump you. I just found this girl that's way more beautiful than you. As you all know as long the girl is cute I'll take them. Now I have to go.

Sark's girl: This was your old girlfriend? What's with the big eyebrows? (A/N- I've ALWAYS wondered about Lauren's eyebrows)

Lauren: I can't believe this. You promised me. That's why I have this wedding ring. And I LIKE my big caterpillar eyebrows!

Host: Uh, oh.

Sark: What did I say about not telling our secret marriage to everyone on National Television?

Lauren: That doesn't matter anymore! I can't believe I lost TWO husbands in one year! So unfair.

Sark's girl: You're married. Jerk.

Sark: Stacy, come back! I like your big butt!

Host: Eh, gotta go! Bye!

Host: I am now with Jack Bristow.

Jack: Hi.

Host: Do you think that Jack is self-centered?

Jack: No.

Host: This is the part where you're supposed to get mad and say funny junk. It makes good T.V.

Jack: Why would I do that?

Host: Here. Just read this paper after I ask the question.

Jack: Ok.

Host: Do you feel that Jack is any closer to Sydney than before?

Jack: What kind of crap is? That isn't funny. Who wrote this? You?

Host: Not on the paper but funny.

Jack: I'm going.

Host: Wait! No one leaves unless I say so!

Host: Wasn't Jack rude? Anyway, on to the hottest guy ever. Julian Sark!

Sark: Don't call me by my first name, love.

Host: Ok. So, what was going on earlier?

Sark: Lauren and I did get married but I'm already filing the divorce papers.

Host: Ah, too bad. And you just lost that other gal.

Sark: Yes.

Host: I know a girl that likes you. And she's pretty close to you.

Sark: Are you flirting with me?

Host: Yep.

Sark: Want to go have some fun?

Host: Of course. Let's go.

Other Host: Well, it seems that Caitlin has disappeared somewhere. So, I'm Ashley, and will be hosting the rest.

Vaughn: Hi.

Other Host: Ello'. Do I sound British enough for you? I hear you dig them.

Vaughn: That's not funny.

Other Host: Sure it is.

Vaughn: No… it isn't.

Host: Fine. Have it your way. Ok. A lot of fans this season think that Vaughn is being a total ass. How are you responding to this?

Vaughn: Just trying to get Syd back.

Host: This is boring. Time to go.

Other Host: It seems that we can not interview Marshall tonight. Some ten year olds are beating him up right now. So, we're going to go to the next person.

Dixon: Hello.

Other Host: Hi! Do you like running the Ops Building?

Dixon: Yes. I feel that I'm much better than the other guy.

Other Host: Kendall?

Dixon: Yeah, whatever.

Other Host: Um…. It doesn't seem fair. You're not on as much this season.

Dixon: Yeah, I should be on more than that b Lauren! Where is she anyway? I have a surprise for her.

Other Host: Gotta go!

Other Host: Here is our last guest, Sloane. He also brought along his daughter, Nadia.

Sloane: I love my lovely daughter.

Nadia: No he doesn't.

Other Host: So I've heard.

Nadia: He likes to brag about my SPECIAL power.

Sloane: Duh.

Other Host: Do you view Rambaldi as the enemy?

Nadia: Hell yes!

Sloane: No, he is my brother.

Other Host: Well, we've got his ghost right here.

Nadia: What?

Rambaldi: Hark, Sloane, I am your father (A/N- Heh. Star Wars)

Sloane: Oh, my god! Dad! I love you! Save me from this world!

Nadia: Weird.

Rambaldi: Grandaughter.

Nadia: Don't touch me.

Other Host: We're gonna go in now and let these guys talk. Time to go inside.

Nadia: Don't leave me with these nutcases!

Other Host: Almost forgot. Sydney wanted me to play this song on my portable boombox. Bye!

**He's just a spy and she's just a mole,  
Can I make it anymore dangerous?  
He was sweet and she did bad,  
What more can I say?  
She wanted him, he'd always tell,  
But secretly he wanted me as well,  
All of his friends just ignored her all day,  
They had a problem with her crappy accent.**

He was a spy boy,  
She said see you later boy,  
She wasn't cool enough for him,  
She had a pretty face,  
But her head was down in hell,  
He needed to make up his mind.

Two years from now, she sits at homw,  
Eating her dinner she's all alone,  
She turns on T.V. and guess who she sees,  
Spy boy taking Sark away,  
She calls up the Covenant, they already know,  
And they've got plans to torture him,  
She goes along, stands in the back,  
Looks up at the man that she screwed with.

He was a spy boy,  
She said see you later boy,  
She wasn't cool enough for him,  
Now he's a bloody mess,  
Coughing up everywhere,  
He had to get out of there.

Sorry Lauren you missed out,  
Well, good luck that spys mine now,  
We are more than just old flames,  
This is how the spy saga ends,  
To bad that you couldn't be,  
Be the girl that you can be,  
There is more than kicking ass,  
I see the good in everyone.

He's just a spy and I'm not a mole,  
Can make it anymore beautiful?  
We are in love haven't you heard,  
How we complete each others world.

I'm with the spy boy,  
I said see you later boy,  
I'll be back after the mission,  
I'll be at a country singing the song I wrote,  
About a b we used to know.

I'm with the spy boy,  
I said see you later boy,  
I'll be back after the mission,  
I'll be at a country singing the song I wrote,  
About a b we used to know.


End file.
